Death Note Junk :D
by Sora Ryuuzaki
Summary: It's a series of drabbles on all the characters in Death Note. Chapters six through nine are up :D And Nine is a bit awkward; I decided it would be fun to include the author in a chapter for once :D
1. Ch 1: Cake? Ch 2 Valentine's

This is a series of drabbles for all those crack lovers who thought Death Note needed to… well… Lighten up :D (note: I'm not good with humor, so tell me if I go to far to try to get a laugh from you all.)

And note: I do not own Death Note, though I wouldn't mind owning L… :D

Chapter one: Cake?

(set during the time the two are chained together.)

L looked at Light from where he was sitting with his cake. As he stared intently, seemingly thinking about the Kira case, his actual thoughts were something along this line: Does Light ever eat sweets?

L looked away as Light glanced at him. Of course, this is a thought almost everyone has in their own fanfictions about the two: Doesn't he ever get sick, eating so many sweets? Doesn't he ever eat anything relatively healthy? Light was getting sick watching the detective devour pastry after pastry, candy after candy.

The two returned to their computer screens. The chain binding them jingled softly as their wrists moved from keyboard to plate, or from keyboard to mouth, in Light's case, as he got sick.

The detective, noticing the occasional green in Light's face, decided to help… or at least, try. "Does Light-kun want some cake?" He offered up a slice of coconut cake, with chocolate drizzled all over it and a strawberry on top.

The teen glanced at the junk and began to look pale. "Excuse me," he said, rushing off to the bathroom. Unfortunately, he did not make it in time due to the skinny man attached to him. L was a perfect anchor to prevent Light's running too fast. The poor detective tumbled headfirst onto the floor as Light began running, while the teen tripped, and, not able to hold it in anymore, threw up. (eww xD)

The investigative crew came in from buying more food (and sweets for L), Watari included. When they entered the room, all they saw was a knocked-out L, a sick-looking Light, and puke spattered all over the floor in front of them.

Chapter two: Valentine's Day for Mello and Near (note: NOT a coupling)

(random drabble about Mello and Near, when they were young. Really young. Mello is about 7, Near 4. Tell me if I have their age differences wrong )

Mello contentedly chewed on his chocolate. He couldn't wait for the rest of his beloved chocolate to come. After all, it was Valentine's Day, the day where people practically lined up in front of other people to give them chocolate!

Of course, the day would be perfect if he actually KNEW people who would line up and give him chocolate. All the time he had spent here in Quillish Wammy's house had been to defeat Near. And now, Near was the one getting all the chocolate. Oh, that made Mello mad. Real mad. (Now for the extreme stupidity that would never, ever happen!)

Mello began to get really bulky. He began to turn a dark brown (for chocolate?) as he grew. His shirt and gaudy accessories ripped off as his muscles outgrew them. It would be safe to say his muscles outgrew his intelligence at this point, too. When he stopped growing, he was more muscled than even the world's strongest man. He stood, his head crashing through the next level. There were a couple of girls giggling over boxes of chocolate.

"Mello want chocolate!!" he bellowed. He reached through the level (thus destroying the bed and the expensive wood) and grabbed the chocolate. Less angered, he ate the chocolate happily. He stuck his head back down as the girls squealed for Wammy.

Near watched Mello rise out of the building. "Chocolate!!" the monster cried. The other children in his playpen outside screamed, demanding to be let out. Near, however, stayed calm and watched the situation. Then, using a rattle and some string, lifted himself by making a lever out of the string, the rattle, and a nearby tree branch. He let himself down and (clumsily) walked over to a store of chocolate he had gotten earlier that day. The little boy scooped up all the chocolate he could hold and stumbled over to the foot of Mello.

Unceremoniously, he dumped the chocolate next to the foot and began to pound on it. When there was no reply, Near sunk his teeth into the giant foot. Mello looked down, noticing an itch, but instead found Near, offering up his Valentine's Day chocolate.

Greedily, the boy-monster grabbed the chocolate, eating it as fast as he could chew. By the time he had finished all of the chocolate, Mello was a regular sized boy again, filled to the brim with chocolate.

Wammy and L ran towards the both of them, back from a shopping spree of sweets. L surveyed the damage as Watari asked what happened.

"Mello want chocolate," Near stated simply.


	2. Ch 3: Lung Cancer? Ch 4: Watari

This is a series of drabbles for all those crack lovers who thought Death Note needed to… well… Lighten up :D (note: I'm not good with humor, so tell me if I go to far to try to get a laugh from you all.)

And note: I do not own Death Note, though I wouldn't mind owning L… :D

Chapter 3: Lung Cancer?

"You know," Near said out loud to himself several years after Matt's, and Mello's, death, "I wonder why Matt never got cancer. Or maybe he did, and he just never told me… Either way, he died…"

Near decided to look up Matt's health records. Not because he cared, but because he was bored. He scrolled down and found the information from Matt's last visit to the hospital. "Has cancer." Near chuckled to himself.

"Maybe that's why he died," he thought. "Maybe he just died of cancer, right then and there." He chuckled to himself, imagining the scene…

Matt was cornered in his car, the Kira supporter motorcycles circling around him. As they gave the command to shoot, he lurched forward with pain from his lungs, making contact with the bullets. Damn, he thought as his life slipped away. I knew I should have gotten that cancer surgery. (I know nothing about lung cancer, so it might seem weird to people who do know something about it.)

Chapter Four: Watari

Yagami Soichiro had been, for lack of a better word, shocked when he found out that the mysterious, cloaked man who was L's contact for the ICPO was, in fact, a kindly old gentleman. Talk about weird.

The chief decided to confide into his son about this manner. "Watari's appearance at first was strange," he said. Light took this into consideration.

The teen did think the elderly man seemed strange at first, and told L about this opinion. "My father and I agree that Watari's a bit strange," he said.

This made absolutely no sense to poor L. L had thought Watari was interesting and nice, and completely average. But then again, L figured, I'm not so average myself. What if my definition of average is different from the Yagamis'?

The detective decided to talk about it with his partner. "Watari, Yagami-san and Yagami-kun seem to think you're weird."

The old man raised his eyebrows behind his glasses. "Is that so? I'll have to talk to them about it."

That night, L actually went to sleep. He woke up the next morning to find Light and Soichiro sprawled over two couches, covered in bruises. Watari was walking towards L with a puzzled look on his face. "Yagami-san says he only mentioned my appearance," the man said thoughtfully.

L chuckled to himself. Like a game of Telephone.

(By now, I'm running out of ideas. Earlier today, I had a million but they all died on me. Any help on topics to drabble about would be appreciated :D)


	3. Chapter Five: Bored

This is a series of drabbles for all those crack lovers who thought Death Note needed to… well… Lighten up :D (note: I'm not good with humor, so tell me if I go to far to try to get a laugh from you all.)

And note: I do not own Death Note, though I wouldn't mind owning L… :D

Chapter Five: Bored

Light sighed. Ten minutes into confinement and he was already bored. He never realized that being chained up completely and placed under 24-hour surveillance could be so _exhausting._ Nor did Light think it would be this boring, either. The teen had assumed that it was exciting, with the suspense of your punishment hanging over your head…

Oh, how _wrong _he had been.

Instead of brooding over it, he began to brainstorm things to do. After all, he thought, it was going to be a long time until Rem finds someone to give the Death Note to… Right?

L, too, was bored. He had sat there in front of the computer monitor for a couple of days already from watching Misa. Now that Light was confined as well, there was nothing to do but wait….

And wait…

And wait.

Somehow, the idea didn't seem as enticing to either of them anymore. Both were thoroughly bored by the time Light had given up ownership of his Death Note… and passed out. When he woke up, the will to keep going was ignited again, as was L's due to the teenager's sudden burst of energy.

Then the boredom began again.

One night, L decided to help relieve both of their boredom by playing tic-tac-toe while the members of the investigation were asleep.

"Raito-kun, this is Ryuuzaki. Would Raito-kun like to play a game of tic-tac-toe?"

The teenager lifted his head slightly. "Would this clear me of being Kira?" He asked deliriously.

L paused. "No," he said, "it wouldn't, but it would help pass the time."

Within ten minutes, the two had already completed twenty games: no winners, just ties. They continued to play until Matsuda woke up and came over to check on Light, Misa, and Yagami-san. The young inspector noted that there were discarded sheets of paper with tic-tac-toe boards scribbled all over.

"Ryuuzaki, what are you doing?"

The scrawny detective jumped at the unexpected voice. He turned around. "Oh, Matsuda. I was just talking to Raito-kun for a while." L got off his chair and began to pick up the scattered pieces of paper, unceremoniously dumping them into Matsuda's arms.

"Go throw those away for me," the detective said. "As for you, Raito-kun… I will deal with you later." L excused himself to get a slice of some cake.

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Author's Note: Okay... seriously running out of ideas here... the fact that I did a chapter that covered such a lame topic was because I'm running out of ideas... maybe I should buy five idea star candles? (HappySlip joke; from her YouTube video "IDEA") Lol jkjk. But people, any ideas? I seriously do need help... :D

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	4. Chapter Six: Misa, Just Shut Up

Chapter Six: Misa, Just Shut Up

(Light Misa Slash :D Sorry Misa fans, I really hate that girl…)

Light tried to ignore the chattering teenage girl sitting next to him. He glanced at the detective sitting next to him. If L was annoyed, he sure was hiding it well. Light tried to imitate the detective's nonchalant, uncaring face that never seemed to ripple with fear, or hate, or any other emotion for that matter. It failed miserably, for Misa had noticed his change in attitude.

"Light," she chirped, "let's go on a date!"

Inwardly, Light sighed. This makes the thirteenth time this hour, he thought, glancing up at the clock. "Sorry, Misa, but Ryuuzaki probably doesn't want to go outside," he said with a forced kindness, motioning to the handcuffs that bound the two together.

L ruined his plan. "I don't mind going outside, Misa-chan, Raito-kun."

Light was about ready to sock both of them in the face. However, his morals forbade hitting women. Why did I have to make such morals? He asked himself.

"Yay!" Misa squealed, throwing her arms around the horrified teen. "Misa gets to go on a date with Light!"

L feigned a cough so Misa would remember his existence.

Sighing, she added glumly, "And Ryuuzaki-kun, too."

Within an hour, the three were strolling along the streets. They were an odd-looking trio: Light, wearing a formal suit and tie; Misa, with her Lolita-goth style; and L, with his messy-looking white shirt and jeans, his shoes unlaced. People stared as they walked by, mainly because of the suspicion the handcuffs created. Misa was used to people looking at her funny, but she seemed a bit thrown off of her usual balance.

Desperate, but determined to act like usual, she began mouthing off about some nonsense about Disneyland. Light didn't even notice; he was analyzing the data he had been looking at before he was forced to leave. L didn't notice either. The scrawny detective was looking at the pastry shops, stopping occasionally to glance at the sweets. Light would have to yank on the chain to get the detective to start walking again.

Finally, Light had had enough of Misa's pointless chattering. "Misa, just shut up!" Light scolded. Dragging L along like a dog who wouldn't follow, the teen stormed back to the investigation building, leaving behind a stunned Misa.


	5. Ch 7: Light's Writing Style Ch 8: Numa

Chapter Seven: Light's Writing Style

After a few months of working with the teenager on the Kira case, L had begun to notice how sometimes Light flicked his wrist in an elegant style after writing a name. He wondered if it was habit: it looked like he was used to doing so. L himself had tried imitating the style in which the teen flicked his wrist, but ended up slashing across the paper.

"Raito-kun," L stated one day as they were researching the Yotsuba group, "why does Raito-kun flick his wrist while writing? I have seen Raito-kun do so during the college exam as well."

Light paused for a moment. "I don't know. It's a habit, I guess. Is it that strange?"

"Yes, it is," L said, "and it increases your chances of being Kira by two percent."

L tried to hide the amused smirk on his face as he turned away from the teen's horrified face.

Chapter Eight: Numa Numa

Misa was fiddling around with her laptop, watching fanflashes of Naruto. There was one scene that particularly amused her: the credits, where one character said, "Dude, take a chill pill," then began dancing awkwardly to the Numa Numa song. Then an image went through her mind: What if Light did that? She began to stifle her laughter; the image was too hilarious:

An uptight, over-achieving college student doing a silly dance… Misa began laughing so hard, she cried. She curled up into a ball from lack of air, laughing like a hyena.

From the security desk, L and Light watched, unnerved by her strange behavior. "I think," Light said slowly, "that Misa has gone crazy."

L nodded in agreement.

Thanks Compleatly Random Dissorder for the idea :D I just received your review today and thought it was going to be a perfect idea to include a non-hate Misa short. (Trust me, it killed me to not be able to criticize that stupid Misa… )


	6. Chapter Nine: What a Giant Hunk of Choc

Chapter Nine: What a Giant Hunk of Chocolate

There we were: three extremely bored people. One, a revered detective. Another, an over-achieving college student. Then there was me: a completely out-of-place seventh-grader, who, although an A student, was extremely stupid in the sense that I lack common sense. We were sitting in my room.

My belongings were, as usual, thrown about in a haphazard manner. Light glared at it as if it were going to bite him. My computer desk was covered with papers to the point where you could hardly see the glass underneath. L was eyeing the one thing that mattered to him most: my giant Hershey's Kisses, a solid milk chocolate beauty that weighed 7 ounces. He glanced at me, then the chocolate.

"What a giant hunk of chocolate you have, Sora-chan," he commented.

"Thanks," I said, watching him closely. "I got them from my best friend on Valentine's Day."

At the instant he moved, I grabbed his wrist. "Don't you dare grab my chocolate!" I screamed.

He flipped me, knocking me into my collapsible metal stand. The scrawny detective had it—my chocolate—in his hands! Oh hell no, I thought, there is no way in hell I'm giving that to him!!

Light watched in amusement as I punched L across the face, making him drop my chocolate. "Get away from my chocolate!" I said, holding the giant hunk of chocolate protectively in my arms.

"If Sora-chan isn't going to eat it now, I will," L stated, his emotionless voice tinted with a hint of anger.

"I am saving it for a more perfect time to eat it," I growled.

I don't know when he did it, but suddenly we were both aware of Light unraveling the red foil from my chocolate. Piece by piece, we watched him as he ate it, unable to fathom that Light had just ate my big hunk of chocolate.

I just thought it would be fun to include the author in a chapter, so… yeah :D And yes, I do have a huge, seven-ounce, solid milk chocolate Hershey's Kisses. I got it from my best friend on Valentine's Day. The whole thing is 1,050 calories… I bet Light wouldn't have ate it if he knew that xD And again, I'm taking ideas from you guys : I got one so far, and that was in the last chapter, so… Any help is greatly appreciated :D


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